Why Your Twenties Are The Worst Decade

The mainstream narrative dictates that your 20s are a rollercoaster of highs and lows that set the precedent for the following decades in your life. I challenge that your 20s are the worst decade of your life, but you don’t have to regret your mistakes if you learn from them. I’m going to start sharing my personal story, it’s really the only valuable asset that I have, and perhaps some small nugget of truth might resonate with you.

📚 I started out my 20s following the path that was laid out for me: a career in corporate law after aceing Law at one of the UKs top Universities, but I walked away when I realised the things I was chasing: elitism, status and money — would be deeply unfulfilling, and I started my journey towards following my intuition, even if it meant leaping into the unknown.

🎙 I dreamed big and went out on my own to follow my childhood dreams of being a singer, and got my dreams shattered. But I think about the alternative: being in a law office and wondering what would have happened if I didn’t follow my dream. There are no regrets for something you have tried for. The beauty of a childhood dream shattering is that you are now open for the Universe to guide you in ways unknown to you, and you make space for something that might just go better than you imagined.

🌍 When my dreams of being an artist shattered, I started travelling the world, often multiple times for months at a time. It was only in my late 20s that I eventually realised that endless backpacking wasn’t as much fun anymore, and that I was running away and to start facing my own demons through therapy. Things started to get better, but I could only do that when there was nowhere left to run, and no one to answer to but myself.

💷 I was financially irresponsible in my early 20s, getting myself into financial debt to buy nice things, or even take a date out to a restaurant that I couldn’t afford! I slowly and painfully got myself out of all credit card debt, and set myself up for financial hygiene — only spending what I could afford, and really realising that expensive products do not necessarily mean better. But also trusting myself with money so that I can really enjoy it when I do now have it.

👫 I made the wrong friends, thinking that I should be seen with a certain crowd, or that people in high places would help me get places in my career — and I found myself lonely or drained in busy or beautiful rooms. I distanced myself and found myself friendless for periods, then learned to love my own company, and then ended up with the right friends — ones who will listen to your nonsense babbling or call just to check in, as well as reconnecting with friends that I let go by the wayside from school. Turns out what they say is right — your friendships are the ones who filled your life with joy and colour, and I don’t quite know who I’d be without them.

🍷 I partied too hard in my early 20s… There was a period where I was going out with my friends a lot but I eventually tamed it down. But even now I don’t really regret it, as I made some memories for life and got it out my system, but through it I learned to say no, to listen to my body, and to see when FOMO was ruling my life.

👖 I tried being ‘perfect’ in my 20s — having the ‘perfect life’ and realised it really wouldn’t make me happy. Spending my life at the gym isn’t a fulfilling life, buying expensive clothes, finding the ‘right’ apartment — is all fine — but doing it to gain approval from others is a losing game. Doing the right things to feel good as part of a balanced life is the goal — and you’ll know when it feels right to do things just for yourself or because it will make you proud.

😭 I faced my worst nightmares — being poor and living at home at the end of my 20s — feeling like I lost everything — then realising, nothing really matters but your health and your family. Sometimes it takes losing everything to really feel free. When you have lost everything then there is nothing left to lose — just be happy and do what you love.

👩‍👦 I fell out with my family — for a long time it was just me and my mum and my sister, and when my mum married a toxic partner — it drove us all apart for a few years. I had to leave the house with all my things over a weekend and find temporary accommodation. It broke my heart. But now, we are closer than ever and I know that in the end that they are always there for me.

😶‍🌫️ I had a mental health crisis. I went through a dark period in my late twenties when all I could think of was how to escape life and just take an exit card. I could see no happy path out, and found no joy in anything. I remembered that I was once a boy full of joy, potential, optimism and boundless energy — and I couldn’t find that little guy anymore. I was sleepless, alienated and contemplated suicide on a daily basis. But deep inside I knew it wasn’t an option. I read spiritual books, and realised that even if I chose to exit, my soul may be trapped in darkness or I’d just have to repeat these situations again in another lifetime. After all — none of us know what may happen for sure in the great mystery of death. There were things that kept me going: sitting outside on park benches, knowing that exiting life wasn’t an option, knowing that being alive itself meant that there must be hope living somewhere, and remembering that everything in life, even the deepest pain, is only temporary. I started going to therapy, I started meditating, I started changing 1% of something everyday — sometimes by eating something healthy, going for walks and eventually jogging again, creating sleep hygiene patterns and just living day-to-day, and I never thought I would say this — but a few years down the line, now I hardly recognise myself.

💡 I tried to get my dream job — after I walked away from corporate law, and then let my dreams of being a singer go, I tried to fit into so many other boxes, wanting things to be neat, labelled, easier, and look pretty. But it was only when I accepted the messiness of life and my chaos that I started to feel better. Who was I trying to prove a point to? Why did my life need to look like such a success from the outside? Why did I always have to be the one in control or with a master plan? I learned the hard way — begging for a sexy brand or trendy company to hire you won’t fulfil you — plus you’ll always end up working for someone else and making their dream come true. The hardest lesson for any creative or dreamer to do, is to believe in your own creativity, and work for your own vision. That’s when I dared to ask myself the million-dollar question. What if I really believed in myself again?

🔥 If I hadn’t gone through all of that mess and pain in my 20s, I wouldn’t be the person I am now. I wouldn’t want to wish some of my hardest learned lessons or darkest years on anybody, but my 20s was a trial by fire, and forged something that is valuable above all else and that few people really have — character. And it was through that I learned that my only job is to be true to myself, to shine my natural gifts onto any road or job that lays in front of me, and to make the most out of what cards we are dealt with in the very short time that we have on Earth. Someone else said it better than me: on Earth, we are briefly gorgeous. So I find myself from time to time asking myself the big question: how can I spend my time to make the most out of getting to be here?